Toxic leader - understaffed - blaming and passive aggressive behaviors

Question

Hello,

I just got promoted to C 2 in a consulting firm. I was staffed on a CDD on my own with minimal aupport from senior staff. Although at the beginning I explained to principal in charge that it is my first SD and that i need someone to support; she refused due to budget constraints and she said she will support - which she didn’t. We didn’t even align on market to work with; very minimal support in taking logistic decisions. She basically wanted me to do everything on my own with no support or intervention from her. 3 weeks into the project the results were not as partner expected of course. I don’t know what happened in the background but she then accepted to get a BA with experience in DD and financial model. However her interactions eith me shifted 180degrees. She started picking on minor details or any question or comment I make. She keeps on trying to embarrass me in front of the other BA. She became very passive aggressive (no insults or bad behavior) this is affecting me tremendously as I can no longer truly participate in the meetings. She keeps dismissing or picking on my comments during the call. She acts as if she does not eante to support / manage the BA. Super passive aggressive. She is questioning everything I do. And if I ask, she acts as if this is a dump question to ask or to comment on.

The problem is that she is the only principal affiliated with the industry I am affiliated to. 🥴

The project is to continue for at least 3 weeks more; but my concern is that she will put bad assessment for me; which I am sure I dont deserve. At the same time how can I position myself here if I want to leave the project asap.

To note the work done was acceptable but given the time and resources constraints it was to my best ability. These constraints were discussed with her clearly at the beginning but she decided to dismiss. I had done several a reviews with her and the last was during the 3rd week before we showed it to the partner and she was ok with it and she told me to show it to him. But now it looks like she is blaming me on that; as if I am not anle to do a DD on my own and that I don’t know basic stuff etc.

The question here is how to deal with this situation as it is affecting me morally and psychologically; my work has been affected over the past few weeks and I’m seeking a professional psych support because of that. To note: we don’t have career person to talk to; we just have assessors who usually are principals or partners in the firm

Answer 1

Hi there,

First of all, I am sorry to hear about your negative experience with your Principal!

I would be happy to share my thoughts on your situation:

First of all, I would advise you to document all your interactions with your Principal, especially for, but not limited to, your upcoming performance review.
Moreover, consider speaking to HR or a trusted senior colleague about your situation. Other senior leaders are unlikely to appreciate such behaviour, whether it comes from one of them or someone else.
Lastly, continue to focus on your own well-being and seek further support, where needed.

If you would like a more detailed discussion on your specific situation, please don't hesitate to contact me directly.

Best,

Hagen

Answer 2

Hey! From my experience at MBB, dealing with a challenging principal or supervisor can be extremely difficult! Here are some strategies to handle this situation which helped me during those times:

Document Everything: Keep a record of all interactions, decisions, and feedback. If things escalate, you’ll have evidence of the constraints and lack of support you faced from the beginning. This will also help you in future evaluations.
Open Communication: Try to have an honest conversation with the principal about the situation. Focus on how the current dynamic is impacting your work and ask for constructive feedback on how to improve.
Protect Your Mental Health: Since this is already affecting your mental well-being, continue seeking professional support. Don’t hesitate to reach out to peers or mentors outside the project for guidance or emotional support.
Manage Up: Since the principal is passive-aggressive, try to anticipate her questions and concerns and proactively address them. Send regular updates, highlight progress, and show that you are taking ownership of the project, while gently reminding her of the original constraints.
Request an Exit: If the situation becomes untenable, it’s possible to ask for a transition out of the project. Frame it as being in the best interest of the client and project, rather than an issue between you and the principal.
Prepare for Assessment: Be prepared for potential negative feedback. Have a narrative ready that explains the situation calmly and factually, showing that you acted professionally and within the limits of your resources.
Look Ahead: After the project ends, try to shift to other projects or industries within the firm. Engage with other partners and principals to build positive relationships that may balance out this one bad experience.

Hope this helps! Alessa

Answer 3

Hi there.

I am sorry you're facing such a difficult situation. It's not the first time I have responded to a question like this on Preplounge, so you can be assured that unfortunately it does happen and it isn't just you.

Here are my thoughts on this type of situation:

Document Everything: Keep a detailed record of all communications, meetings, and feedback. This will help you track the project's progress and provide context if needed later.
Clarify Expectations: Request a meeting with the principal to discuss expectations clearly. Express your concerns about the workload and seek clarification on what success looks like for this project.
Request Regular Check-Ins: Propose more structured check-ins beyond the existing calls. Suggest shorter, more frequent touchpoints to ensure you're aligned and can address issues as they arise.
Seek Feedback Constructively: During your calls, ask for specific feedback on areas where you can improve. This shows your willingness to learn and can help de-escalate aggressive interactions by focusing on development.
Explore Internal Support: If possible, identify colleagues who might have experience in CDDs and could provide informal guidance or insights. Even brief conversations could offer valuable perspectives.
Assess Your Options: If the situation continues to negatively impact your well-being, consider discussing your concerns with HR or a mentor. They might offer additional support or mediation.
Prioritize Self-Care: Take care of your mental and physical well-being. This may include finding ways to manage stress outside of work and ensuring you have a support network.

Hope this helps!

Answer 4

Hello there,

It appears there are a number of major factors in play here contributing to this subpar experience including but not limited to: Principal budgetary constraints, mismatch between Principal’s expectations and your perceived performance, mismatch between your expectations of support and Principal’s delivery, introduction of ‘experienced’ BA that could further influence how your performance is perceived.

In dealing with this issue going forward, I’d suggest you:

Firstly try to reframe mentally from ‘this Principal is being needlessly unreasonable’ to figuring out what pressure she’s under and how you can help resolve it on your project because that’s the only way she’ll be less of a pain to you
Lean on other office peers who have more experience on DDs / working with the Principal for pragmatic tips and support regardless of their seniority
Focus on what is directly within your sphere of influence and work on that without getting bogged down by what you cannot control

Also, since you just got promoted, odds are your most recent reviews would help provide a balanced view if this evaluation doesn’t turn out great.

Feel free to reach out for a quick chat on this with no fees.

Fathu